post chemo syndrome

I don't know why I haven't written. So many things have happened, so many ideas have made their way inside my head but for some reason or another, they stay there and collect cobwebs. I was working on this wonderful idea that could liven this blog up but I don't know where my energy went. Or my time. Or my efforts. So much things have happened in the past month. Ive taken so many pictures that could depict some kind of "moment" I should relive. A lot of blog-worthy things have happened but I dont know why I havent written.

I don't know why its getting so much harder to write post chemo. Its not like cancer isn't a big part of my life now that chemo is done. I still have radiation which sucks the life out of me. The treatment isn't bad but the 80 minute drive is. I still have lymphedema and my pointing finger looks like a hotdog. I replaced my not-so-likeable oncologist with a likeable oncologist. The new treatment center is working around my schedule. I went to Philadelphia with my best friend to learn more about this disease that took over my life this past year. I learned that soy is bad for breast cancer patients and I have to stop eating tofu. I am finally getting some fuzz on my head. I got sad that I lost some lashes so I went to get some fake ones. Also sad that my eyebrows were gone so I bought some eyebrow shader thingy. Both were expensive and worthless because the boyfriend tells me I look better without either (fake lashes, not lashes; fake eyebrows, not eyebrows). I found out I have to take Tamoxifen. I was bugged by a little bump on my left boob scar, freaked out and thought it was another lump, but it's just the scar being a scar.

I wanna blame my brief hiatus on life. Now that chemo is done, I don't have the downtime to lounge while I hurt because I'm not hurting anymore. The only ranting I do is to the boyfriend (sorry!) and that pretty much stops when I lose his attention (damn you UFC!). I am back at work right after radiation, I am working hard to lose this "steroid weight" (7 lbs but i gained it back while celebrating in Vegas!), preparation to go back to school is starting and I have taken on moving because my used-to-be-welcoming mom is not so welcoming anymore. Plus Twilight Saga:New Moon came out a week ago and I'm just all over that. Life... so exhausting. So bad its almost making me wish I was back on chemo so I can rest again...

Not Writing

So i totally suck.

I didnt even write about my last chemosification.

I didnt even bother to update you guys about how we almost didn't do the final chemosification on October 8th because of the numbness on my fingers. These dumb chemo side effects. But no frets, we did after I begged the chemo nurse to do it because I was so anxious to get it done.

I didnt even write how my nausea was so bad that I started vomitting blood the day after the final chemosification and I was admitted in the hospital for a little over 3 days.

I didn't even write how beautiful the new Kaiser they built and how nice the nurses were - she totally let me borrow her US Weekly so i wouldn't be so bored. Holler to getting my Robsten news on time!

I didn't even write how I was secretly happy that I was admitted because of they did a better job hydrating me than I would have done on my own. They kept me on so much IVs, I requested to move my bed next to the toilet.

I didn't even write how they kept poking me on my stomach to take these meds (neupogen and the one for blood clotting) that they bruised my stomach for days. And it hurt like a motha.

I didn't even write how bad the nausea was after I got out but I guess that doesn't really matter now.

I also didn't write about how I am switching oncs. As stated in my previous blogs, my onc is the twin sister of Cruela Deville.

I also didn't write about how awful she was in dealing with me that she seriously thinks "maybe" is an acceptable answer to "Is bowling bad for my lymphedema?"

I also didn't write that she actually thought "we had a great relationship" and was surprised when she found out I was leaving.

I also didn't write how they made me wait 5 hours until I finally got my first Herceptin-only treatment, which lasted about 30 mins.

I also didn't write how seriously I am done with them and I am kinda hoping she is reading this so she doesn't repeat it with other patients.

I totally forgot to write about the time I met the Radiology Oncologist and he thought the cancer was on my left boob instead of the right. He says because the left boob has a more noticeable scar and sags like a 90 year old lady's. OK, so he didn't say that but Im assuming - how else could you spot the difference?

I totally forgot to write about the mini tattoos they had to do for radiation. Um hi radiologist assistant lady, when you say it will not hurt, IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HURT. Oh, but it totally did.

I totally forgot to write about getting my rads schedule. I read somewhere that the 3 week therapy instead of 6 is available. I asked the rads onc and he said yes so voila, we are 3 weeks closer to being done with this whole cancer treatment sha-bang. Actually, I lie. I still have herceptin for the rest of the year til June 2010 but who's counting, right?

What am i NOT forgetting lately...

Oh yeah, I am going to Philadelphia for the LBBC Conference. I am moving out of my mom's house in 3 weeks. I am absolutely in love with Zumba no matter how hard it kicks my ass...

and last but not least, Twilight Saga:New Moon comes out in 12 days.

Of course, I don't forget the important things. ;)