Goodbye Bandages!

Today is the big day - I am getting the bandages from hell removed! They itch and they don't fit fashionably... they have been the worst company! But hopefully everything is healed under them and I can go back to swimming (oh, and showering).

Talked to Gloria yesterday, no news if I got in the research trial but she says that I should start my chemo treatments next Thursday/Friday.

I will add more later as I have billion and one three doctor appointments today... I should be at the doctors all morning. Got my post op, then off to see Gloria and I have physical therapy. Speaking of, my arm is actually healing well - still. It still gets numb and sore after a while but I almost don't recognize unless I think about it. Like now... it feels like a regular arm. :)

I will tweet any updates if I come across them later - see the right part of this blog! :)

My Cupcake Hair

I have been contemplating what to do with my mane for the past month or so when it started growing into an awful excuse for hair. I was thinking that because we are in a recession and now is not the time to splurge on unnecessary whims, like cut, color and style, I should just leave my hair untouched, let it grow its natural course (aka ugly) and as soon as chemo hits me, I may just be fortunate enough to lose my hair. I figured, chemo will pretty much kick my hair follicle's ass, so there is absolutely no justification in me spending $100+ on getting my hair done up pretty until chemo time comes. When I signed that chemo liability paperwork (aka book of what ifs), I was ecstatic to see that my hair may fall off (meaning a 2nd chance for new, healthy hair, thank you Lord!).

Well, I held off on doing anything for a long time but the ugly hair was taunting me today... it was unwashed and greasy and untamed and useless. I decided that it didn't matter anymore - it is 911 imperative that I do something with my hair and I cannot wait for chemo to settle my self-dispute. Sooooo I got a haircut!

(I know how SEXY my bandage is.
Due to my recently acquired love for Twilight,
I have been telling people that it is a vampire bite :) heh)

You can kind of see where they did the surgery and I am left deformed. 10 points if you see it!

I don't like the cut but you never know, chemo may not come through and this may be the only hair Ill have... :)

The port from hell

Oh sweet Lord, am I in pain!

So who knew that this chemo port came from the pits of hell and would hurt THIS much? This sucks. My lumpectomy was nothing compared to this. NOTHING. I am in sooo much pain! My skin is on fire and I cant move my neck!

Pros of getting this port:

1. I have absolutely no vein on my left arm and this would make it easier every time they need to draw blood and give me my chemo treatments. (Twilight side note: The nurse who prepped me found the only good vein I had and she noticed that its starting to bruise. Yes, thats the one everybody likes to use - so guess what she said? "You gotta protect this vein. Don't let the vampires get it." - Major LOL in my head, I am such a dork I swear this made my day)
2. I can go back to my daily routine as soon as the bandages come off - swimming, showering, etc.
3. Its not a catheter.

So after she prepped me, she sedated me and the doctor started his procedure. He injected all those numbing medications thru all my neck veins and he worked his ass off getting that port in. It lasted about an hour. I could have sworn they stabbed my neck with a pen because I cant move it at all. See that little white square on the bottom of my neck? That little bugger is keeping my neck from turning! And under that is a huge gauze that is protecting this !@$%$ port - how can a quarter-sized, plastic-made tool hurt me soooo much?? Sheesh...

Oh, and I cant get it wet. And i can't shower until they take it off, which is a week from now. Back to sponge baths again, which I cannot express how much I loathe because no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you're clean they're just not good enough!

The only clothing that could cover these bandages for the next week are turtlenecks. Damn this cancer for cramping my totally awesome style. First, no sleeveless. Now, no neck.

Goodnight, its time to take my vicodin!! AHH..

Scared of the Port!

There have been two instances in my life where I have been scared out of my pants.

1. At the beach, surrounded by birds. (Please do not look into this further - I do have a bird phobia. If I know you in real life, please refrain from testing this - it is true, please trust me and don't take me to the park, beach, downtown, etc. to prove this fact! Its not fun and I -will- freak out!)
2. When I watched Dawn of the Dead

Now, why am I sharing my embarrassing secrets with you all? Because I am getting my chemo port installed tomorrow and the thought is making me nervous, borderline scared! I saw the diagrams - they don't look easy to install! I dont exactly know how theyre going to find that vein and I hate the thought of me being awake... watching them while they poke through my skin! Ugh!

I googled how they look on actual people and they are too graphic to explain. I feel like throwing up on myself. :(

Hopefully they come in different colors. Will update yall tomorrow.

Mastectomy Law Change : Please Read!

Proposed Mastectomy Law Change

(written by a surgeon);

I'll never forget the look in my patients eyes when I had to tell them they had to go home with the drains, new exercises and no breast. I remember begging the doctors to keep these women in the hospital longer, only to hear that they would, but their hands were tied by the insurance companies.

So there I sat with my patient giving them the instructions they needed to take care of themselves, knowing full well they didn't grasp half of what I was saying, because the glazed, hopeless, frightened look spoke louder than the quiet 'Thank you' they muttered.

A mastectomy is when a woman's breast is removed in order to remove cancerous breast cells/tissue. If you know anyone who has had a mastectomy, you may know that there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards. Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure. Let's give women the 20 chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery.

This Mastectomy Bill is in Congress now. It takes 2 seconds to do this and is very important. Please take the time and do it really quick! The Breast Cancer Hospitalization Bill is important legislation for all women.

Please send this to everyone in your address book. If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this is one of those times. If you're receiving this, it's because I think you will take the 30 seconds to go to vote on this issue and send it on to others you know who will do the same.

There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the 'drive-through mastectomy' where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.

Lifetime Television has put this bill on their web page with a petition drive to show your support.. Last year over half the House signed on. PLEASE! Sign the petition by clicking on the web site below. You need not give more than your name and zip code number.

http://www.mylifetime.com/community/my-lifetime-commitment/breast-cancer/petition/breast-cancer-petition

My Moan-day

Hi all! I had the longest day yesterday. I was at Kaiser the whole day for doctor's appointments. I like scheduling my appointments all at the same day but sometimes it can get tedious and by the end of the day, I am wiped.

Yesterday, I did my heart scan in the morning. One thing that sucks about having a surgery was that it was on my right arm - my good arm. The arm I use to write, brush my hair, eat my food, wipe my butt... you know, my favorite arm. Well, I guess I have been taking this favorite arm forgranted because yesterday, the left arm did not bring any veins with him so they pretty much poked me all over the place looking for a vein. My right arm had all the popping veins and we couldn't touch it because it was the surgical site. Crazy huh!

After the heart scan, my chemo lady Gloria sent me to get more blood work and EKG for chemo prep. They took 6 tubes of blood! I believe the actual count is now 12 tubes that they have taken from me in the past 2 months. 12 tubes! (Enough to feed a vampire... haha for those who get it)

They are installing a port on Thursday. They say ports are the best way when doing chemo. I guess its installed under the skin and everytime they need to draw blood or give me treatments, they just poke at the same place. Better than looking for a vein on my uncooperative arm! Im kind of scared of this "port thing" but everybody seems to really like it so we shall see. Im about to google it, but last time I googled something cancer-related, I ended up in hysterics so hopefully its not that bad!!

Also saw the surgeon yesterday. She said I could go swimming now (but cant after Thursday cause of the port). She also said that the site would be hard for awhile but should tenderize after chemo. Then harden again during radiation therapy.

Physical therapy was cancelled today. They rescheduled me for next week.

I was so tired yesterday that my mom felt I needed a boost so she bought me 5 pairs of shoes. :) :) :)

Having time for myself...

I KNOW - I haven't blogged in a long time! I cant get a good wifi signal at home and I cant use the iPhone to get on. There has been a lot going on.

Cancer - My arm is healing well. Its still pretty uncomfortable to move but I think its just because im numb. They finally came back to me on the pathology of the lymph nodes and they found 18 lymph nodes and they were all negative for cancer! :) Thank you Lord!! I saw my oncologist the other day and I had to get setup for this clinical research they are adding to my chemo treatments. My doctor said I have 2 weeks to have fun (aka abuse the sauce ;)) because once chemo starts Im gonna be completely out of commission. Im pretty bummed that they extended my disability. I was supposed to come back to work on the 26th but now, with chemo and radiation therapy, looks like Im going to be out until the end of the year.

The biggest thing that bugs me about this whole cancer thing is the fact that my life schedule has been completely screwed up. I had a schedule setup before this whole thing - work, pay bills and have fun. Now, i am left with bills because work and fun are going to be gone LOL :( I guess Im going to have to restructure my life...

Anyway, hopefully the inet doesnt screw up so I can post this entry. However, if you really want updates on me, please check my twitter (its on the left!).

Vera Bradley Foundation

Another boring day at home today! I finished some errands, did some chores and bummed around. I drove to WalMart today, my arm isnt so bad anymore ever since I discovered the magic of a sports bra! Yes - a sports bra! Who knew that was all I needed to support and heal my sore boob?? Anyway, I dont know if this is wishful thinking or I am disillusioned but it looks like the hollow side boob is starting to fill in. My surgeon said that my body would produce liquid that it would accept as the tissues grow back so hopefully she's right. It was so hot today but I'm embarrassed to lounge at the pool and wear my swimsuit due to this moon-looking cut! ;(

Anyway! I met someone from the Vera Bradley Foundation for Breast Cancer (@FollowHeidi) and we chatted about her BC story. I was so amazed and touched, it really does give me hope and support during this time. I have always been positive but it just lifts my spirit up a notch higher. And the story on the video is Heidi's... she is SO strong! Check it out when you get a minute! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUfeCV1GUqY

I hate that all my posts are long! So im going to stop here today...

post surgery update

Hi all! Watching the Lakers fight on (Game 1 vs. Rockets) and trying to update to you all...

I went to my post op today! I am soooo glad - I have been in the apartment for a WHOLE week and I have been so bored. Ive managed to get caught up with all the NM (thats Twilight Saga: New Moon, for all you non-twihards) hoohah and I am seriously considering spending all my money to visit Vancouver and stalk Rob Pattinson. OK - just kidding :)

Anyway! I got my pathology report post surgery and the doctor says everything went well and they got all cancerous tumors out. The left 1 cm tumor has been confirmed negative for cancer. The right cancerous tumor has been removed and so have some of my lymph nodes. They did a 6 in incision so my underarm/side boob is hollow - its hard to look at (better description: deformed) but I am just glad that the rest of it is still there and there are no more scary cancerous tumors in my body. They took a pretty good chunk and they said that all margins are clear so hopefully the likelihood of recurrence on the same spot wouldn't be so high. Im sure the deformity can be fixed later on with reconstruction... The only thing that we are waiting on are the results of the lymph nodes - originally they told us that it was weakly positive for cancer but when they removed them now, they said that they found 0/4. My surgeon has asked them to recheck just to make sure. This is the critical one since lymph nodes will determine if the cancer should spread to the blood/bones/other parts. She said there isnt any need for a 2nd surgery - I am GLAD!

The only thing Im not -glad- about is the hollowness under my armpit/side boob. It looks gross, I get so weirded out looking at it because its just... gone! :( I know Im overreacting and I should be thankful that I still have my boobs (and I am!) but the deformity is making me self-conscious. Cant wait until I can get reconstruction. -sigh-

They are also sending me to one session of physical therapy because my right arm is weak. Im not in pain but the nerves were affected so it is uncomfortable to move it sometimes. I have my appointment with the oncologist in regards to my chemo treatment next week. So we shall see when I would start...

I am reading this book called the Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber, MD, PHD and I really like it so far. My boss bought it for me after he found out I had it and it is very informative and positive. Im barely into Chapter 3 but I really liked this: Statistics are information, not condemnation. pg. 13 - I hate reading statistics, especially the not-so-good ones that pertain to breast cancer to younger women but I am growing to live with them...

Anyway... the Lakers lost! Back to my book...