The Betrayal

My body is falling apart. I cant even begin to tell you guys how my past few days have been. This may or may not be a funny post. This may or may not be a whining post. This may or may not be a ranting post. This may or may not be getting annoying - but with all nonsense aside...

So i had my chemosification cycle #2 on Thursday. It was long. They had me waiting for hours because they couldn't figure out where to put me. I met the nicest people that day but that will be a separate post because it'll make this one too long and would totally take from the point. So back to my chemosification - I go, I take pills, I fall asleep, I wake up, I eat greasy foods (Blech, big mistake, will not do again!), I get home. I am fine.

Day 2. No sickness, a little queasy. More queasy than the first chemosification cycle.

Day 3. More queasiness. I threatened to throw up on the boyfriend a few times. Then this is where it gets tricky... remember the couple posts I had below on the marvelous chemo side effect called constipation? Well, oncologist told me to take a laxative regularly so I could go. So I did. Took it that night and forgot all about it.

Day 4. OH LORD MY JESUS. I woke up to the biggest stomach ache in the world so what do I do? I run to the toilet and pray for dear life thinking this is just another episode of chemo and as soon as I release all the contents of my stomach, then I can peacefully go back to sleep and enjoy the rest of my chemo side effects. But NOPE, it was not. My stomach released with FURY. And by fury, I mean blood. Red BLOOD. My lower abdomen cramped like there was no other, it felt like I was being ripped inside by little demon shits I have pissed off royally. I didn't know what to do so I hugged it tightly wishing it would go away. Then I passed out, sitting on the toilet, hugging myself. I woke up and I was covered in cold sweat, still sitting on the toilet. Have you ever broke in cold sweat? Its WEIRD. You're hot but you're cold. You're thinking, did I just walk thru Egypt or run through the North Pole? It feels WEIRD. So while all this hugging was going on between me and my stomach and I was breaking out the sweats like a penguin, I also had the urge to hurl. So i sit on the floor and hurl. What did I hurl? You guessed it, BLOOD (and anti-nausea meds I just took). Then I get back on the toilet. Then back down on the floor. I was so confused, my body was playing tug-o-war and I could NOT handle. I pulled myself off of the floor/toilet and laid on my bed. I passed out. Woke up an hour later, ran to the bathroom for another episode (with blood). Back to bed, passed out, then another episode (with blood). This went on for about 5 times until I realized - um hi, GO TO THE HOSPITAL. Dont ask why it didn't register earlier - I have always been stubborn and a firm believer of "If you tough it out, itll go away". Well, it didnt.

So boyfriend took me to the emergency room and they put me on a mask after hearing I am on chemosification. Walked around looking like I had the swine flu, kinda scared off the rest of the patients in the ER. They check my southern region, take a LOT of blood and more samples than your local Costco on a Saturday. Turns out, the lab is not functioning on a Sunday (CA govt got you too?) so they tell me I have to stay the night. They also ran out of needle access for my port so they had to IV me through the arm. And they gave me morphine for the pain. At first I said no after my morphine encounter after surgery but I had no choice... I was bleeding internally and couldn't take any other meds. Aint that about a...

PS. All this with NO FOOD.

Day 5. More morphine! And they took an xray and CT scan of my lower abdomen. Still no food allowed due to stomach problem.

Day 6. It has been determined - CDIF COLITIS.

Clostridium difficile
It's a bacterial infection that you can contract after human being on antibiotics for prolonged use. The bacteria is opportunistic, and when the antibiotics hold killed the obedient bacteria as ably as bad germs, C-Dif can take over. It cause chronic, nasty diarrhea. The treatment is ironically, more antibiotics.

What it doesnt tell you is that 1) its contagious; and 2) it is a pain in the ass, literally. I have stopped bleeding and the diarrhea has also stopped. My stomach still whirs like a cat on fire but I really have no way to make it go away.

My chemo side effects are back though. Throat hurts, tastebuds gone, fatigue, headache, constipation... welcome back to my day! I hope you enjoy your stay like this guy Cdif Colitis...

Man, oh man. How is it that my 23 year old body is THIS messed up? At 23:
1. I get breast cancer.
2. CDif Colitis.
3. I have a fatty liver.
4. Cyst in my ovary
5.

Im going to leave that last one blank because I know it'll come up as soon as I finish publishing this post... but seriously - my body, at 23, should not be this defective. Maybe because I didnt eat lettuce until I was 16, carrots and broccoli til I was 22. Maybe because I gained weight. Maybe because I don't work out enough. Maybe because I drank too much alcohol. Maybe because I eat the unhealthiest stuff.

This post is starting to turn into a "Post Treatment Resolution"... stay tuned, I may or may not just think about it... ;)